Nicole vs. Life
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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