I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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