i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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