I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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