I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
