Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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