i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
