Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
