I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
