Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
