i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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