some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
