What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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