two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
