I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So squirting runs in the family.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
