Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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