I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
