Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
