His pubic hair was longer than his dick
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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