I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i believe in u and ur pee
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