he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
