I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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