I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
