so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
