Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
