We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
