I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
