Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
