Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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