who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
