So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
