I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
