Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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