Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
