Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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