So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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