yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
