Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just had sex bonerless
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
