We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
