if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Alive.
So much puke
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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