Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
