What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
