my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
