So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
