and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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