Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
