OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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