He kissed a someone with a penis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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