Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
