Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
