I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
