its not stalking. its research.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So many bounce houses so little time
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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