not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
