I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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