so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
