Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
