I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
