pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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