We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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