the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
