do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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