im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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