Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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