Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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